I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you're set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you. The largest collection of Halloween one-line jokes in the world. The guy goes, ‘So you can put it up yourself?’ I said, ‘No, I was thinking the living room.” – Gary Delaney, I asked a Chinese girl for her number. Enjoy. Is your name Tanya? I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small. – Gary Delaney, “The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. I'm emotionally constipated. Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.”. ... I’m not one to blow my own trumpet. Puns And One Liners. My colleague can no longer attend next weeks Innuendo Seminar so I have to fill her slot instead. About three inches. Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 33, looking for some action!" We stop somewhere between ’68 and ’70, “Not all sexual experiences have to be filled with anger. I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only. I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you. It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. Quick, Funny Jokes! Q: What goes up and never comes down? Absolutely hillarious birthday one-liners!
I’m sorry, but if Christmas is coming – so am I.” – Sarah Millican, “One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Then I realised I hadn’t turned the telly on. It’s a gateway tug. To find out more see our. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually. I was born to be a pessimist. Just all in my experience.” – David Mitchell, “I thought Coq au Vin was love in a lorry.” – Victoria Wood. Obviously, they don’t know that yet… – Gary Delaney. A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.
Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Bought a friend a fridge for his birthday. All sorted from the best by our visitors. My blood type is B Negative. I said “no, I’ll just turn the lights off.”, “Las Vegas and Glasgow have a lot in common: they’re the only two places in the world where you can pay for sex with chips.” – Frankie Boyle, The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Personally, I think it’s b***ocks.” – Billy Connolly, The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex-tape. “Oh darling,” she replies, “ what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.”. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.